Monday, November 3, 2008

My Fears

I fear very strange things.  I mean, besides the normal things people tend to be uneasy about, I have a few others to be proud of.  I severely dislike overpasses--especially being stopped at stoplights and having to wait under overpasses.  I have anxiety in airplanes.  I try not to walk directly under birds.  I don't go spelunking.  I won't play a team sport or sprint at a track meet.  I don't like rivers.  I prefer to make right turns.  I don't dance in public.  I fear the ocean.  I am hesitant to get LASIK eye surgery.  I choose sushi with cooked fish.  I'm not a fan of elevators.  I wince when I hear a door slam.  I don't like to hold puppies for a long time.  I microwave my meat after I cook it.  All of these fears can be traced back to one experience or another I've had earlier in life, and so I believe my fears are valid. 

Now, let me tell you a story.

A friend of mine had returned home from a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I had a new baby, and brought the child with me to welcome him home (I know what you are thinking, and it was not his baby--shame on  you).  After a while, my baby started to get cranky, so I knew it was time to head home.  I said a bunch of good-byes, teased a few people, laughed at a few more, blew a few kisses, and I was off.  I had just put the baby in the car seat when a bowel explosion occurred (not me, the baby).  

So, I went back inside and changed the diaper and the clothes, chatted, laughed, insulted a few people, mocked some others, waved good-bye and I was off, again.  I drove about five minutes away when I had to stop and feed my screaming infant.  While I was, um, nursing my babe, I realized that I had left the diaper bag back at the house.  So, I buckled my baby, drove back, and luckily caught someone outside to watch my kid while I quickly went inside to grab the bag.  

I went back inside, explained myself to confused onlookers, grabbed the diaper bag, tormented a few people, pointed and waved,  high-fived a few, hugged a few, patted some on the back, and quickly left.  As I was walking out the door, clutching that diaper bag, I paused and felt the cool night air flow straight to the core of my body.  As I looked down, I realized that I had left my shirt completely unbuttoned.

I now have a fear of exposing myself in public.  I don't ever want that to happen.

Again.


6 comments:

M&B said...

So I was in a sushi restaurant and the cute waitress was wearing a t-shirt that said...


"Miso Hot."

Yes.

I thought of you. :)

Have a nice day!
(sorry this comment had nothing to do with your very funny post.)

micah e. said...

All I can say is, "Welcome home Elder."

Kristina P. said...

The only thing that would make that story better is if you were braless.

Trisha said...

ha ha! he he HA HA HA !!! HE HE HE O DEAR. ahhh.

stillclueless said...

Wonderful! I understand and have many of the fears listed. The only times I went topless and exposed were years ago and on purpose. Never by accident... that I know of... Go girl!

How hilarious! I want to be Asian. Wait a minute - some of my grandchildren are... How does that work?

michellejohnnie said...

Great blog! I'm laughing while I'm nursing my baby. I won't forget to put my shirt down before I leave!!!!