Sunday, January 31, 2010

Thank Heaven for Post-Menopausal Females!

Fact: Most female animals don't have a post-menopausal life. Literally. They reproduce and then they die. Very few animals have been known to reach and live beyond menopause, and a lot of them were raised in captivity. It seems that female animals aren't much use after they are done having babies.

Then, we have the humans. Our post-menopausal females can live just as long past menopause as they did before menopause. Some scientists might argue that humans never have and were never meant to live beyond their reproductive years, and that post-menopausal life is a relatively new phenomenon in modern humans. Evolutionists might say that those women with a longevity trait were able to help their offspring take care of their offspring, thus increasing their grandchildren's survival rate and the post-menopausal woman's own fitness, and passing on the longevity trait to more people generation after generation until the grandmother eventually evolved. And yet others might say grandmas didn't evolve, grandmas were created.

All I know is, as a stay at home mom, I see grandmas everywhere! I see grandmas at the store pushing shopping carts with babies inside. I see grandmas waiting to get their grandchildren after school. I see grandmas take grandchildren to dance and other sporting events. I see grandmas driving with grandchildren in car seats behind them. I see grandmas eating out with grandchildren. I see grandmas on walks with grandchildren. I see grandmas taking grandchildren to the doctor. Grandmas sure are active people.

Grandmas travel across continents to help their children paint their house or take care of babies.
Grandmas run your errands for you.
Grandmas travel through all sorts of weather at all hours of the night because the mothers are sick or are having a bad day or mothers have to go to the hospital because their water broke (or thought their water broke, but they really just maybe might have wet themselves, a little).
Grandmas use their retirement money to send care packages to grandchildren that live far away.
Grandmas cook impromptu meals, just because you say you are coming over, and you're starving.
Grandmas let you leave their house with their leftovers, even though they were hoping to not have to cook the next day.
Grandmas take care of you, even when they are sick and no one is taking care of them.
Grandmas sacrifice vacation time to take care of their grandkids while their own kids go on vacation.
Grandmas sacrifice their comfort and lifestyle and sometimes their retirement to take in their wayward children's children.

And I bet if you ask any grandma why she does these things, the last thing that crosses her mind is to increase her own fitness. The first things that cross her mind, however, would be how she feels when she receives chubby hugs and messy kisses and hears tiny voices over the phone that say, "I wub you, Damma!"

If you know a grandma, show your appreciation. She's technically not even supposed to be here :) Sure, they are post-menopausal and can be a little moody at times, but we are lucky enough to be the only species that gets them, so we need to just love them, because they truly are a gift from God.

(To the grandmas in my life: Yes, this is my special way of saying "Thank you!")

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Lethal Weapon

After reading this article about a chopstick going up the nose and piercing a Chinese toddler's brain, I became concerned.

My kids run around with chopsticks all the time!

This little boy was lucky, though. The chopstick had pierced 4 cm into his brain, but did not strike a major blood vessel and did not cause any paralysis. Also, his "neurosurgeon was perfect for the job since he had extensive experience with surgeries involving chopsticks lodged in eyes, foreheads, and necks."

I don't think they have neurosurgeons specialized in removing impaled chopsticks anywhere in the United States.

I might have to have my kids run around with forks, instead.

Monday, January 11, 2010

One year older, and wiser, too.

Now that the holidays are officially over, I have a few things to share:

1. The child that, three years ago, threw-up after drinking a whole can of lemonade now throws-up after drinking two Capri Suns and one red cream soda.

2. Four tearful fits before 10:00 am on New Year's Day is a child's way of saying, "Please don't let me go to another New Year's Eve party, ever."

3. Santa is no longer allowed to give our children presents after the stunt he pulled with the fingernail polish station.

4. Baby can now unscrew lids off of containers.

5. Vinegar and Windex and angry texts to husband get fingernail polish out of the carpet.

6. When eating out with husband's business associates, it is good to know that "gnocchi" is not pronounced like it is spelled. And, the biking competition Lotoja is not pronounced "Latoya."

7. There is nothing easy about an "Easy Bake Oven." It is the most stressful thing ever invented.

8. Toy accessories (clips, bows, guns, mini hair-dryers, crowns, necklaces, and shoes) will always find their way into our garbage cans.

What did you learn this holiday season?