Thursday, February 12, 2009

Things People Should Not Say, but I Said Them Anyway.

(To make things fair, I will admit that I say dumb things, too.  The list includes, but is not limited to the following.  For those of you who know me, feel free to include any that I may have missed.)

To Friend's Fiance (I had just read this list of medical terms, but she hadn't):  [Your Fiance] thinks he's pretty impotent, huh. (It was only funny to one of us.)

To new neighbor hanging Christmas lights:  That's where the former owner of this house was standing when he slipped and fell off the roof. (That was supposed to be a joke)

To friend:  Could you please have one ugly child and make the rest of us feel better? (That was supposed to be a compliment.)

To someone:  No, it's not that I think you're lying.  I just think what you perceive, in your mind, to be the truth is not what actually, in reality, happened.  (That didn't go over well.)

While pregnant:  I choose my foods according to how they will taste coming back up.

Shaking a sleeping roommate:  Wake up!  Wake up!  Oh, {gasp} I am so sorry!  I thought that was your shoulder!

Moment of Truth...What have YOU said?


StuTheWise said...

Customer writing in to eBay: F*** eBay! F*** the internet!

My response: Sir, as you know, the internet is a very big place. Screwing the whole thing might take awhile, so let's just solve your problem instead.

I got fired over it. My friend, on the other hand, did NOT get fired for this...

Customer: Jesus Christ! Can't you guys do anything right?

My Friend: I'm flattered that you think I'm Jesus Christ. But even though I'm not, I think I can still help you.

Kristina P. said...

I might do a blog post about this, but I may have said that babies don't feel pain and why would anyone be opposed to circumcision on that basis.

There's a reason I don't have children.

Anonymous said...

Hey. Random blog browser here.

Loved the lying one. I think that is too often how I feel about people around me.

And just to add to the discussion:

High school teacher: So if you are on this side of the room you might want to say something because I might not notice you. I got my eye shot out with a BB gun as a kid.

Class: silence

Me: unstoppable laughter

Pam C. said...

I was infamous in college for telling guys (including one of my professors in the middle of a class, and a pizza delivery guy) when their flies were open. I really thought at the time that it was the right thing to do--I would want to know.... Even twenty-five years later I'm not sure if it was kind or cruel. (Actually, I did know that I was going to embarrass the teacher, but he was notorious for embarrassing students, so I didn't feel any remorse about it.)

Anonymous said...

Something you said to me: You chose corn for the side-dish tonight? You know it's just going to go straight through!

michellejohnnie said...

I can't think of anything that I shouldn't have said. Everything that comes out of my mouth is perfect. (ha, ha)