I am a mean wife

I did not get my husband a birthday present.

I did not buy my husband a birthday cake.

I did not throw my husband a birthday party.

I did not sing, "Happy Birthday" to my husband.

So what did I do for my husband on his birthday?

I logged into his e-mail account and sent e-mails to his family, friends, and co-workers saying, "Guess what!  It's my birthday!" and "Aren't you going to call and wish me a happy birthday?"

His friends were all very accommodating.

Little one

A group of big ones stumbled around, 

running and racing to get tasks done.

"I think those big ones should slow down."

So He sent them a little one.

The little one was placed in two big ones' arms,

but the other big ones watched with awe.

To observe little one's ways and charms

And tell more big ones what they saw.

Little one's eyes open, Big ones say, "See!"

Little one giggles,  Big ones, "Tee hee!"

Little one cries, Big ones, "Oh no!"

Little one smiles, Big ones glow.

Little one grew more and more dear.

Big ones, mesmerized, gathered near.

Every crawl, word, bounce, and stride

Gave the big ones greater pride.

Then the little one suddenly went home.

And the big ones stood there, all alone.

Not a big one moved, no big one dared.

They all stood, and stopped, and stared.

How could a little one, one so small,

A little one who brought joy to all,

How could one tiny smile, one small embrace,

Leave behind such a large, empty space?  

A group of big ones stood around.

They paused, and looked up to the Son.

"We understand, we'll slow down.

Please take care of little one."

For little one, and for the big ones he loved.  

Random

On a random treadmill, in some random hotel, in a random town, in a random part of the country, I had a random thought:

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We, humans, could be our own solution to the energy crisis. Think of all the calories that people burn exercising in gyms. Burn is a very appropriate term here, because it literally goes from chemical energy (calories) to brief kinetic energy (lifting weights, running on a treadmill) to heat energy (um, heat), which is also considered the least useful form of energy. So, we are taking good, usable calories and throwing them away (in the form of heat) without a second thought.

With the proper set up, however, we could use those calories to power generators by utilizing the kinetic energy, similar to using wind or water to produce electricity.

Think of it...

Body builders powering schools...
Spinners lighting up our streets...
Stairmaster-ers powering escalators...
Swimmers heating our homes...
Yogis cooking our food...
Rock climbers facilitating our light rail...
Bowflexers powering our TVs and computers...
Prison gyms powering our government buildings...

...And the best part is, the gyms would be making so much money from the energy produced, we wouldn't need to pay membership fees anymore!

But, here's the problem. When we humans use our energy and strengths to benefit another, it is no longer considered recreation or fun.

Now, it is considered work.

And while I may pay to exercise,

I don't work for free.

..................................................................

Well, that certainly was random!

Snickers

Guess where I bought the oldest, stalest, nastiest Snickers bar.

At an isolated gas station somewhere in the moutains with a sign that said, "Bathroom use is for paying customers only."

That is also where I learned my new favorite phrase, "Don't ask questions!" (Yes, that was on the sign as well.)

Blog Post 101

So, this is my 101st blog post.  Yeah!

Remember the diet I was on?  The exercise more, eat whatever I want, blog less diet?  Well, it's going OK.  I'm not losing weight, but I feel stronger and I think my figure might be getting better...but who knows really?  I've done a lot of yoga, running, step aerobics, hoops, weight lifting, and boxing with a personal trainer.  She insists that I won't see the results right away, but if I stick with it, I will start to see measurable improvement.  

Even though I haven't lost any weight, I still feel that I have accomplished a lot.  When I have a day where all I do is sit around, I look in the mirror and all I see is the chub.  However, after I have exercised, I feel a sense of accomplishment, and I begin to see the health and beauty beyond the chub.  I honestly think that the biggest part of the whole process is how you feel about your own body image.  

After all, it isn't what other's think of me, but how I see myself.  

And I needed to see myself differently.

In honor of my new body image, I have decided to get a personal makeover!

Sooo...

--I got a new outfit.

--I got a new hairstyle with a new COLOR!

--I did my eyebrows (finally!)

--I'm wearing make-up

--I may have plumped up my lips a little.

...and, I really think I like the way I look.

It's a new hot look to match my new hot bod(y image).  Yes, this new look is what I need to take me to the next level.

So, are you ready for some before and after pics?

Before:

After: 

I wonder if my personal trainer will even notice?

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

Our little family has a tradition of watching the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's "Music and the Spoken Word" program every Sunday at 9:30 am.  It normally acts as a pleasant Sabbath related time-filler before we have to go to church, but this last Sunday, it was much more.

Alex Boye, a member of the Tabernacle choir, gave an outstanding performance as he sang soulful African American spirituals with the choir.  Now, I am not a musician.  I am not a critic.  But, I know when music moves me, and I was move to tears.

The songs sung this particular February morning were chosen from the spirituals, songs primarily written and sang by African American Slaves in the 19th century.  The following is the message that was presented with the music.

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Delivered on: February 8th, 2009

Delivered by: Lloyd D. Newell

The Whole World in His Hands

A long time ago, unknown artists came up with words and a melody that resound in our hearts today:  

He's got the whole world in His hands...

He's got the wind and the rain in His hands...

He's got the little bitty baby in His hands...

He's got you and me, brother, in His hands...

He's got you and me, sister, in His hands...

He's got everybody here in His hands...

He's got the whole world in His hands...

This simple song has since made its way into classrooms, on concert stages, and around campfires across the world.  Its message of a loving Creator showing tender concern for His creations is comforting and encouraging in these days of uncertainty--just as it was in those uncertain days when it was first written.

"He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" reflects the rich tradition of powerful and poignant artistic expressions called spirituals.  Composed mostly during the 19th century by African Americans, they sing of great hope for a coming day of peace and rest.  Even though most of the songwriters were oppressed and held captive at the time, their songs almost universally expressed a buoyant belief in the liberty of the soul.

That belief, that hope is something all of us need.  Whenever we feel demoralized or discouraged, we would do well to remember the message of the sweet and simple spirituals, composed and sung by those whose unbounded hope kept them going, kept them alive.  The message is often expressed simply, but it is profound: never stop believing, even when, at times, the whole world seems to be in peril.  Because, after all, "He's got the whole world in His hands."

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.

How to tell your man's level of affection for you.

If he gives you:

*Chocolates in a heart-shaped box--he loves you.

*Chocolates in a pumpkin-shaped box--he loves you not.

*Flowers--he loves you.

*Grocery list with "Flowers" written on it--he loves you not.

*A Valentine's card--he loves you.

*A Valentine's sticky-note--he loves you not.

*Romantic dinner for two--he loves  you.

*The telephone number for Domino's pizza--he loves you not.

*A gift certificate--he loves you.

*A coupon--he loves you not.

*A love note--he loves you.

*A text message--he loves you not.

*Jewelry in a tiny box--he loves you.

*Jewelry in a plastic sack--he loves you not.

*He gives you nothing, but the warmest hug, and loving kiss--

He loves you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Things People Should Not Say, but I Said Them Anyway.

(To make things fair, I will admit that I say dumb things, too.  The list includes, but is not limited to the following.  For those of you who know me, feel free to include any that I may have missed.)

To Friend's Fiance (I had just read this list of medical terms, but she hadn't):  [Your Fiance] thinks he's pretty impotent, huh. (It was only funny to one of us.)

To new neighbor hanging Christmas lights:  That's where the former owner of this house was standing when he slipped and fell off the roof. (That was supposed to be a joke)

To friend:  Could you please have one ugly child and make the rest of us feel better? (That was supposed to be a compliment.)

To someone:  No, it's not that I think you're lying.  I just think what you perceive, in your mind, to be the truth is not what actually, in reality, happened.  (That didn't go over well.)

While pregnant:  I choose my foods according to how they will taste coming back up.

Shaking a sleeping roommate:  Wake up!  Wake up!  Oh, {gasp} I am so sorry!  I thought that was your shoulder!

Moment of Truth...What have YOU said?

Things People Should Not Say

Store clerk: Are you buying stuff for food storage? Too bad you missed the huge sale last week.

Caucasian guy:  You are so lucky.  I have to work my [bum] off to get accepted into grad school, but they'll accept you in a heartbeat just because you are a minority and you're a girl.  

Store clerk: I bought some of those.  They didn't taste very good.

Guy to girl on a date:  I want to join the Air Force and die in a fiery plane crash.

Friend:  Judging from the size of your baby, I would expect your [hands in front of chest] to be HUGE.

Polynesian guy to me:  Your baby should have been my kid.

Older woman to unrelated younger man:  Your rear end looks just like your father's.

.................................

What have people said to/around you?

Teaching Opportunity

I'm not the best mom.  I'm going to say that right here so none of you think I'm on some sort of soap-box.  But, when opportunities come that I can teach my children manners, or tolerance, or patience, or respect, or love, I like to think that  I take advantage of those opportunities.  These are the priceless moments that I feel we connect and we are in understanding of one another, and that I truly am fit to be their mom.

 

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I was at my parent's house unloading things from my van (Oh, yes, I am a minivan driving Asian--have you seen me?) when I heard:

"Konnichiwaaaaaa!" (snicker, snicker)

Did I just hear what I thought I just heard?

"Konnichiwaaaaaa!" (snicker, snicker)

Yes, I did just get heckled by a bunch of pre-teen boys across the street. Normally, this wouldn't make me mad, but my parents lived there, and I was upset that the neighbor's kids would disrespect people because of their ethnicity. It is hard enough being in a country, speaking a different language, adjusting to a different culture. The last thing my parents needed was to be jeered by some punk neighbor kid. I had two choices: I could ignore it and by so doing condone his actions, or I could confront him.

I marched my flat Asian bum over to the house. The youth, not expecting me to be so bold, scurried inside. I knocked on the door and waited until the mother answered.

"Hi. My name is [Token Asian Friend]. My parents live across the street. One of the kids in your garage just said an Asian word to me in a very condescending way..."

"What did he say?" she asked defensively.

"He said 'Konnichiwa'."

"I don't know that language. What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, it means hello in Japanese. But, it was not what he said, but the way he said it."

"How did he say it?"

(Please, lady, do I really have to do this?) "Um...Konnichiwaaaaaaa."

"Which kid was it?"

"I don't know which kid said it, I just heard it."

The boys were now group together in the room behind her, listening and laughing.

"Oh, then it probably was my son's friend. I can't do anything about that. You'll have to go talk to his mom."

Too bad.  It could have been such a good teaching moment.

Home Video

This is my baby when I take him for a walk.  

(It's only a minute long)

Our little twinkle-toes is a chip off the ol' block!

Give a man [Asian food], and he eats for a day. Teach a man [Asian food]...

Brother:  Hey, [Sister], how do you make [Asian food]?  I already have [ingredients].

Me:  Flavor it with [ingredients], and use can also use [ingredients].

Brother:  What if I want to do some vegetarian ones?

Me:  OH!  You can add [ingredients], and even [ingredients], just make sure you soak them first, and then chop them up.

Brother:  Okay, thanks!

He made them.

I tried them.

And I was disappointed.

His tasted better than mine.

I Love Kung-Foooooooooo! (Panda)

Thanks to this:

My children now fold their arms to pray, like this:

Therefore, increasing their Asianess, and their Awesomeness.

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(If you want to hear Kung Fu Fighting, press play)

Potty Stats

Out of [Younger Sibling's] last 100 accidents:
25% included tears
30% happened right after child insisted on not needing to potty
12% happened while outside
1% happened on the couch
9% happened in the bed
9% didn't wake child up
15% happened on the stool in front of the toilet
1% happened in public
4% happened this morning
25% was preceded by the potty dance
25% happened while child was running up and down hallway asking for help
5% would have been preventable had older siblings stopped talking to younger sibling after younger sibling said, "I need to go potty!"
40% probably happened before child said, "I need to go potty!"
10% would have gone undetected had wet undies not been left next to bathroom toilet
100% ended with a promise to not wet pants again

At least the child is perfect at something.