Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Christmas Program

(Caution:  Stereotypes ahead)

The school Christmas Program:  A people watcher's dream come true.

-There is flustered mom taking care of all the kids while techno dad is playing with his blackberry/iPhone.
-There is card is full mom who spends half of the program deleting pictures from her camera instead of watching her kid.
-There is front row dad (big tall guy, should have good view of kid, right?) holding his camcorder with extended view screen a foot above his head.  Then, there second row dad trying to get a shot of his kid under front row dad's armpit.
-There is cell-phone mom against the wall with a finger plugging her other ear.
-There is social trophy mom with strut with spiky hair dad who doesn't hold the door open for the people behind him.  She perma-smiles; he never smiles.
-There is photog mom who stands on chair, squats, leans, sprawls on the floor--all to get the best shots of their kid.
-There is jungle-gym dad, who, apparently, is his kids' mobile jungle-gym.
-There is pop-up dad standing to take occasional snapshots of his kid over 100 feet away in poor lighting.  How did those pictures turn out, pop-up dad?
-There is big laugh dad with cackle mom.  They find a lot of things to be funny.

(Guess which ones we are!)

Then, there is THIS guy.

A Polynesian family with their multiple kids have saved seats for family and friends.  The mom had placed items on the seats on both sides, except for the seat she and her husband were in.  They stood up to bring their kids to the teachers.  Then, THIS guy sat down with his kid and wife in those two empty middle chairs.  Polynesian mom and dad come back and say, "Oh, we were sitting there."

THIS guy:  There was nothing on these chairs. 
Polynesian mom:  Yes, but our stuff is all around you.  We were sitting in those chairs and just got up to take our kids to the front.
THIS guy:  Well, we didn't know that.  We just sat down on these empty chairs.
Polynesian mom:  (expecting them to move, but when they didn't...) We've been saving these seats.  We just needed to bring our kids to their teachers.  

THIS guy and his wife just sat there.  They didn't even budge!  There were entire rows available, but they didn't stand up, or look around, or anything.

Polynesian dad:  Well, if we move our stuff on the other side of you, can you at least move down so we can sit together?
THIS guy:  Fine.

Then, two seconds after the sit in their new seats, THIS guy says to his wife, "How was I supposed to know they were sitting there?  Those seats were empty for crying out loud.  I'm just trying to find a place to sit."  

Three reasons why THIS guy was lame.

1) People don't usually come up to random strangers at a school Christmas Program and say, "Those are our seats" unless they really were in those seats.

2) The fact that their stuff was on both sides of the empty seats proves that they were really sitting there and intended to use the empty seats as well.

3)  HE WAS ARGUING WITH A POLYNESIAN GUY!!!  I must say, Polynesians are always nice, but it because they want to be, definitely not because they have to be.  Who in their right mind argues with a Polyesian man???  

Oh, THIS guy.


Kristina P. said...

Clearly, I am missing out on some amazing stereotypes by not having kids and not attending school Christmas programs. I better start procreating immediately!

michellejohnnie said...

I love Polynesians because I want them to love me back! Never would I want to start a fight or have one think they need to "teach me a lesson."

Veena said...

You want my real opinion?

You are the cackle mom and I am the social trophy mom.

Token Asian Friend said...

Actually, I am card is full mom ( probably the worst one in the group). My husband is jungle-gym dad.

But, now I know your true feelings about me...

Payne Family said...

I KNOW!!!!! You were "THIS guy"!

NOBODY said...

Okay, I came back to read some of your posts to my husband because I think you are hilarious. I didn't read the comments the first time I read this, but I blushed with shame at the description of card mom (because that is me) and thought, "wow, I wonder how she gets her kids to sit still and not climb all over her husband?" cuz we can't. I'm kind of relieved now.

Princess Danell said...

Lame guy was lucky he didn't HAVE to experience a Poly-man OR woman. They, like my mini-van, can turn on a dime. btw, I am the cackle mom.