My Fears

I fear very strange things.  I mean, besides the normal things people tend to be uneasy about, I have a few others to be proud of.  I severely dislike overpasses--especially being stopped at stoplights and having to wait under overpasses.  I have anxiety in airplanes.  I try not to walk directly under birds.  I don't go spelunking.  I won't play a team sport or sprint at a track meet.  I don't like rivers.  I prefer to make right turns.  I don't dance in public.  I fear the ocean.  I am hesitant to get LASIK eye surgery.  I choose sushi with cooked fish.  I'm not a fan of elevators.  I wince when I hear a door slam.  I don't like to hold puppies for a long time.  I microwave my meat after I cook it.  All of these fears can be traced back to one experience or another I've had earlier in life, and so I believe my fears are valid. 

Now, let me tell you a story.

A friend of mine had returned home from a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I had a new baby, and brought the child with me to welcome him home (I know what you are thinking, and it was not his baby--shame on  you).  After a while, my baby started to get cranky, so I knew it was time to head home.  I said a bunch of good-byes, teased a few people, laughed at a few more, blew a few kisses, and I was off.  I had just put the baby in the car seat when a bowel explosion occurred (not me, the baby).  

So, I went back inside and changed the diaper and the clothes, chatted, laughed, insulted a few people, mocked some others, waved good-bye and I was off, again.  I drove about five minutes away when I had to stop and feed my screaming infant.  While I was, um, nursing my babe, I realized that I had left the diaper bag back at the house.  So, I buckled my baby, drove back, and luckily caught someone outside to watch my kid while I quickly went inside to grab the bag.  

I went back inside, explained myself to confused onlookers, grabbed the diaper bag, tormented a few people, pointed and waved,  high-fived a few, hugged a few, patted some on the back, and quickly left.  As I was walking out the door, clutching that diaper bag, I paused and felt the cool night air flow straight to the core of my body.  As I looked down, I realized that I had left my shirt completely unbuttoned.

I now have a fear of exposing myself in public.  I don't ever want that to happen.

Again.