Das ist Kaputt!

My mouse won't scroll.

Our sink broke.

My shoes won't velcro together

The office chair snapped.

My husband has three rock chips in his car's windshield.

Mine has three rock chips and one crack.

Our garbage can is busted.

My husband has poop on his suit.

It is as if entropy is alive and feels the need to stimulate the economy.

Super sad story

My kid fell down the stairs, and by the time I found her, her hands were on the bottom stair, head one stair up, and legs were sprawled upward. I flipped my child around and, while cradling her in my arms, heard though screams and sobs, "I did...(sob)... a somersault...(sob)... down the stairs,..(sob)... and it...(sob)... was SUPER SCARY! I hurt...(sob)... my finger...(sob)... SUPER BAD!"

All i could think was, "Since when did super become an adverb?"

FISH

(Because I am in a poetic mood.)

"Eat your fish!" said the Asian mother to her son.
"Eat your fish!" said the Asian mother to her daughter.
"You'll grow hair on your chest," she said to the son.
"You'll grow a chest," she said to the daughter.

So the son and the daughter faithfully ate their fish,
Anticipating their future with much optimism.

"How does fish do it?" they asked each other.
"How could fish do one for the one, another for the other?"
"What if it did one for the other, and another for the one?"
"Or what if it does both for both?" asked the son.

So the son and daughter reluctantly ate their fish,
Dreading their future with much scepticism.

And so the years past, and the boy and girl grew.
And the man and the woman in the end both knew

They should have eaten more fish.

Ode to Winter-Worm Summer-Grass

You once were a caterpillar, pupating in the ground

Up in Tibet with the snow all around.

But then you ate up or breathed in something funny

Now you are dry and worth lots of money.

That something inside you, it started to grow.

It very much killed you, as you probably know.

What once was your body is now mummified

by that wee fungus that grew from inside.

That fungus, it grew from the top of your brain

but it didn't hurt because you no longer feel pain.

It sprouted in summer and broke through the earth

To shed more wee spores--in essence, give birth.

Then perhaps some Tibetan or some Chinese friend

Helped from the soil your body ascend.

For you have the ability to help and to cure

So many ailments, no one knows what for sure.

Here you are now, as my honored guest.

But I must insist, I have but one request:

Please take your little, but expensive troop

And get your medicinal selves out of my soup.

(Have I been served this in soup?  Yes.  Have I eaten one?  Would you?)

Out of context

My husband called me on his cell phone and said, "Rotten milk experiment."

"What?"

"In the lab class you taught, did you do a rotten milk experiment?"

"Yes, why?"

"That's how she knows you.  You were her instructor."

Mystery solved.  That is why the wife of my husband's work-mate looked familiar.  

It's in situations like these that you hope you made a good impression the first time.  That is why I try to be nice when I meet people, because you never know when you'll run into them again.

......................

I was at Costco with a friend.  Why we were going to Costco when we were single was beyond me, but we were probably getting a jumbo bag of gummy bears or a box of Gushers.

While we were walking, I ended up face to face with a man that looked SO familiar.  He was thinking the same thing.  He smiled at me and said, "You look familiar.  What is your name?"

"[Token, Token Asian Friend].  What is yours?

"[Guy with glasses].  How do I know you?"

We smiled as we talked about where we lived, what high schools we went to, where we used to work, our family trees, his best friend's sister's friends, my old dog's former owners, trying to find some reason why we knew each other.  There was that familiarity, like we were old friends that had gone through trial and adversity together.  We had to solve this mystery connection!  Then, I said, "Well, I went to college [here]."

Glasses man said, "Me too!  When were you there?"

"From [year] to [year]."

"What did you study?"

"[Major]."

Within seconds, I saw the spark of recognition come into his eyes.  Then I saw the smile slowly leave his face.  He said, "You were my lab TA."

Then, I remembered that smug little grin grumbling cynical remarks.  I visualized his eyes rolling behind those very same glasses.  I heard that voice say, "Do we really have to do this?" and,"This is a waste of my time." and, "Can we leave now?"  

One split-second later:

"Well, it was nice to see you again."

"Yep.  Have a good one."

All in one day!

Tripe for breakfast

Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies for lunch

And a sensible dinner

No, I did not get these pictures off of the internet.

Yes, I am being dead serious.

Yes, my husband is grossed out.

Imagine

Imagine your young daughter's joy as she holds up an invitation to a classmate's birthday party.

Imagine packing a present, a stroller, and a baby doll in the car next to your ecstatic child for the Cabbage Patch themed celebration.

Imagine the trust you have in your child when she says, "Yes, I can show you how to get to her house."

Imagine the confusion as her directions lead you to the elementary school parking lot.

Imagine realizing that your child is a few cards short of a full deck when she begins to push her stroller to the outer reaches of the school playground.

Imagine following her to the base of a steep hill filled with weeds and thorns and cacti and bugs and snakes, and watching her finger point to the white house at the top.

Imagine climbing up that hill, feet slipping, rocks falling, thorns pricking, hands gripping, holding the blasted doll and stroller with one hand, and helping your struggling girl with the other.

Imagine, at the top, having to scale a chain link fence with stroller, baby, and child.

Imagine the looks of the other mothers as you try to act natural.

Imagine your child as she smiles one last smile at you before pushing her stroller with the rest of her friends.

I don't have to imagine it.

I lived it!

Thank you, Dad! I couldn't have climbed that hill without you!