Who do I look like?

So, I don't know many Asian celebrities, but I listed a few here.  I have been told by people that I look like each them at least one time in my life.  But there is one that, surprisingly, a lot of people tell me I resemble.  Can you guess who?

Connie Chung?

Zhang ZiYi?

Michelle Yeoh?

Vera Wang?

Lucy Lui?

Lisa Ling?

Katie Leung?

Tia Carrere?

Demi Moore?

Chow Yun-Fat?

OK, so I know that Demi Moore technically isn't Asian, but an Asian friend of mine said that I look like her.  

The winner is....

drumroll please...

Chow Yun-Fat!  (Seriously, I have had more people, independent of one another, say I look like him than any of the others.)

Can we still be friends?

Don't be mad, but my kid is smarter than yours!

My husband and I believe that the way to encourage a behavioral pattern in young children is to first, recognize the desired behavior and second, reward the child for that behavior. This philosophy has worked miracles for all of my children, but especially my five-month old!

One day, when we took my son grocery shopping, we were strolling through the baked goods aisle. Out of nowhere, my son signs the word "donut." I didn't even know the sign for donut, but thank goodness my husband did, and so to reward him, we bought a couple dozen. He doesn't know how to eat yet, so my thoughtful husband ate them in front of him to show him how.

Then, on Saturday, while I was outside watching the other children play, my husband, who was selflessly holding the baby inside for me, looked deep into his eyes and saw him blink "B-Y-U-G-A-M-E" in Morse Code!  I didn't see it or anything, but when I got mad because they were in front of the TV for 3 hours , my husband explained why and I totally forgave him.  Poor guy was just bonding and reinforcing baby's early communication skills.

I was preparing the house for guests one day and our little whiz kid tapped his dad on the shoulder. He used a finger on one hand to write on the palm of the other in Asian the words "nap with daddy."  I missed it, again!  But, who can deny a request like that?  So, I let my husband and babe nap while I cooked and cleaned and watched the other children by myself.

By this time, I was pretty sure there was nothing else my little man-child could do to make me more proud. He proved me wrong! I was giving the other kids a bath and preparing them for bed when my son grabbed the Magna Doodle and drew a picture of Andrei Kirilenko and season tickets. But he totally erased it before I could even see it! My attentive husband saw it in the nick of time. So, darn it, we are going to get the little prodigy season Jazz tickets!  My hubby is even willing to take him to all of the games!  

Anyway, I had to share! I'm just so glad my husband was able to see these huge milestones in our baby's life, even though I have yet to actually witness any of them.  Please don't get jealous of what a genius my little baby is. What can I say? He gets his smarts from me.

Based on a true story.

Are YOU Asian?

You know you are Asian if:

1) You see a cube of tofu and automatically think of 15 dishes to make with it.

2) When asked if you would like a drink of water, you answer, "No thanks.  I have soup."

3) You drink beverages with chunks of food in it, and you LOVE it!

4) You are a Tai-Chi expert, a reflexology expert, an herbal expert, a medical expert...

5) When asked, "How do you like your eggs?" you say, "Boiled with soy sauce and chunks of pig / Salty, extremely salty / One-hundred years old / Fertilized."

6) When you laugh, you cover your mouth.

7) You eat leftovers for breakfast with rice porridge.

8) After eating Asian cuisine, you tell those you are with that yours tastes better.

9) You leave your house in your Lexus wearing diamond rings, jade bracelets, gold necklaces, Gucci watches, and a sweat suit.

10) You like your beans sweet.  

11) You like your pizza with shrimp, squid, and peas.

12) You love fish balls.

13) You hate licorice.

14) You can stay balanced in a squatting position for a long period of time (Seriously, try it.  It's harder than it sounds).

15) You take your shoes off before entering the house.

16) You know where the nearest Asian Food Market is located.

17) After eating cake with frosting, you say, "Ai!  Too sweet."

18) Your furniture is decorated with Mother of Pearl.

19) You know how to use one of these:

20) You own this:

So, are you Asian?

If fifteen to twenty of these items describe you, you are pure, unadulterated Asian.  Congratulations!

If eight to fourteen of these describe you, you are ABA (American born Asian).

If one to eight of these describe you, you are part Asian (maybe way back, check your family history).

If zero of these items describe you, you are not Asian.  Sorry to have to be the one to break it to you.

Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder, and I Am Not Seeing It

I have worn corrective lenses since I was seven.  While growing up, my wise and frugal parents allowed me to pick my frames from a limited selection.  I mostly ended up with the marbled plastic frames and really thick, heavy lenses.  Add that to the fact that I have no bridge to hold them up (I'm Asian, remember!), my glasses would quite often slide down my nose.  I was HOT!

My glasses never caused much conflict here in the US.  Sometimes, the school photographer would ask me to push my glasses up to my eyes, but that was about as controversial as it got.

Whenever I visited family in Asia, however, my glasses were the source of much controversy.  Relatives would take my glasses from my face and say, "There, that looks better."  Sometimes, they would hold on to them and tell me to go about my day without them, as if I didn't NEED them!  When we would take pictures, they sometimes asked me to take them off.  I should have been offended, but instead I was grateful that they took pride in my natural beauty.

So, if my Asian relatives ever show you a family photo, I am the Asian girl looking cross-eyed at the camera.  There, that looks better.

Where in the World Is Token Asian Friend?

Hit it Rockapella!

Doo-whop, 

Doo-ba-doo-be Doo-whop, 

Doo-ba-doo-be Doo-whop, 

Doo-ba-doo-be Doo-whop,

Well

She's normally indoors, and she rarely sees daylight.

She doesn't leave the house much, so this trip was a real treat.

She'll take you on a ride vicariously through pictures.

Tell me

Where in the world is 

Token Asian Friend?

Oh tell me

Where in the world is 

Token Asian Friend?

(Weeeeeeee!!!!!)

(Mmmmmm, donuts...)

(It's blurry, but that guy is walking by it)

(What is in that "C" of "BDC"?)

(Since when did McDonald's Golden Arches have any red in them?)

(Is that Perkins dotted with a maple leaf?)

(Those aren't flowers above and below the "Super 8 Motel")

(This hint is a little tricky, but it has something to do with the C, funky upside down V, and N)

DID YOU GET IT?!?!?

Subtle, isn't it!

God Bless our neighbors to the north, 

and their infatuation with crimson foliage!

(This one is for you, my e-friend Sarah, and all the other northern North Americans I love!)

Only in Your Token Asian Friend's House...

I was at the top of the stairs one morning when I saw this:

What the...  Is that dog poo?  Cat poo?  GROSS!!!  How can that be?  We don't have any pets.  All we have is kids.  Did the kids just poo on the bottom of the stairs?

Why would they do that?  That is so disgusting!  Who poops at the bottom of the stairs?  When I find out which one did that, he/she is going to get it!

False alarm!  It's just tiny statues of Buddha.  

Darn Asian kids.  Leaving their Buddha statues all over the place.

My Day (For Good Measure)*

(This is TokenAsianFriend's husband, and I approve this post)

10:00 am:  Roll out of bed.  Text husband, "Good Morning!  How's work?  I've been busy.  So tired.  Didn't even have time to shower."  Swish with mouthwash.  Run fingers through hair.

10:30 am:  Yield to pleading hungry children.  Pour cereal onto table.  Give children spoons.  Go to bedroom office.  Check e-mail.  Read blogs.  Check facebook.  Eat candy bar.  Buy something online.

11:00 am:  Turn on TV and have children watch NiHao KaiLan while I re-read twilight series locked in my bedroom.  Eat chips.

11:30 am:  NiHao KaiLan is over.  Children are pounding on door.  Tell children to dress themselves, clean their rooms, and make their beds.

12:00 pm:  Grab a jar of spaghetti sauce and crackers for lunch.  Grab two straws.  leave children with jar, crackers, and straws on floor.  Check e-mail.  Check blogs.  Buy something online.  Play reMovem on iPhone.  Eat ice cream.

1:00 pm:  Put younger kids down for a nap.  Make popcorn.  Lay all couch cushions on floor.  Pop in movie and take a group nap with older kids.

3:00 pm:  Kids wake you up, so movie is over.  Drag all kids outside and let them play.  Put on sunglasses, sit on lawn chair, and continue nap outside.  

5:00 pm:  Wake up.  Call husband, "Hey honey.  You're busy?  Me too.  Swamped.  Can you pick up dinner?"  Go find children, take off their muddy clothes in doorway.  Tell kids to bathe themselves and dress themselves.  

5:30 pm:  Watch TiVo-ed Oprah episode while children play with scissors, markers, and glue.

6:30 pm:  Oprah is over.  Look around.  Marker on the wall, carpet, and youngest child.  Paper glued to hair, plant, and me.  Cereal and spaghetti sauce mixed with glue on kitchen table, floors, and windows.  Sink clogged with crackers and water spilling onto kitchen floor.  Dirty clothes on couch.  Some children missing hair.  Toilet paper trailing from bathroom to bedroom.  Twilight book ripped up and thrown over couch cushions in living room.  DVDs all out of the boxes and stacked in the potted plant soil.  Spoons embedded in drywall.  Toys piled on beds, but hidden under their quilts.  Kids somehow wearing pajamas again...

...Garage door opens...

...Yell at children to clean up.  Change out of my robe and into sweats.  Spritz body spray to smell fresh.  Brush teeth.  

6:33 pm:  Welcome husband home.  Hear him complain about work.  Give him back massage.  Complain to him about how the kids are like tiny whirlwinds, and how I didn't have time to clean up after them that day because I was so busy playing with them.  "I didn't even take a shower."  Check my e-mail, read blogs, buy something online, and watch TiVo-ed Desperate House Wives while he cleans up the house.

8:30 pm:  Together, we put the children to bed.

8:31 pm:.........

*This post may not contain actual daily occurrences.  Readers strongly cautioned.