Um, He's My Brother.

I have a brother.  We look a lot alike.  For some reason, however, people don't think we are brother and sister.  They assume that, because we are of the same ethnic background, we are a couple.

We were celebrating my daughter's birthday at a local pizza establishment.  When I was coordinating the birthday party with our assigned assistant, I was distracted.  The young man then, instead of turning to my non-Asian husband standing next to me, turned to my brother and asked how he would like to pay for the party.

My daughter and my niece were in the same dance class.  The owner of the studio came to us to talk about recitals, and asked if "our daughter" was going to make it to the performance.  I had to explain that the child in question was HIS daughter, my niece.

So, do me a favor.  If you see an Asian guy with an Asian girl and their Asian kids, don't automatically think they are husband and wife.  It's probably just me hanging out with my brother.  If you see them making-out, though, that is NOT us.

If I could turn back time...

 I recently took my new baby to the grocery store.  The lady at the cash register looked at my 2 month old and said, without a smile or a laugh or even eye contact, "He's fat."

I was shocked, and I stumbled through a response, but if I could have turned the clock back, this is what I would have said:

--We thought we were feeding him forumula, but it was actually protein shakes. Oopsie!

--If you think HE's big, you should see the twelve others I left at home.

--(tear up) He has a genetic condition.

--Oh, he's not mine. I'm just his wet-nurse.

--HE's fat. YOU lack social skills. Nobody's perfect.

--That's just swelling.   He's allergic to stupid people.  Looks like we chose the wrong line.

What is wrong with this picture?

So, I want to perform an experiment.  My Baby Bjorn says it can hold up to 33 lbs.  This picture is proof that it can. 

Now the question is, is it socially acceptable?

So Stereotypical of me!

Sometimes, people choose not to make fun of other ethnic groups because they could be labeled as a racist.  I don't have that fear.  I choose not to make fun of ANYONE because I don't want to get beat up.  I'm small-boned.  And, Unlike ALL OTHER Asians, I have not been trained in the art of the Ninja, Gong-fu, Taekwondo, Jujitsu, or Feng-Shui.  I guess, if ever confronted, I could Tai-Chi my enemy into submission until they reach a state of mental calm and clarity.  Then, we could fly kites, shoot off some fireworks, talk about Computer Science, and play Mahjong over a steamy bowl of noodle soup. Being Asian is the BEST!!!  That's not being racist, that is being ethnocentric.

So, by that you mean...

I know some ethnic minorities have to deal with a lot of racism or prejudice growing up.  Luckily, I don't remember kids teasing me or making comments toward me because of my ethnicity.  Well, I do remember some kids in high school calling me "Geronimo" or "Sacajawea," but they probably said that to every girl who wore her hair in braids.  And there was that kid in elementary school that called me "Eskimo," but I'm pretty sure it was because of my coat with a fur-lined hood.  And then there were those kids who called me, "Mahana, you ugly!"  But that was most likely because...

Oh.

Well, that wasn't nice at all.

Story Problem

So, I love story problems.  Here is one for you!

Q:  What do you get when you have a mom out running errands, dad watching sports, a fort behind the couch, two kids, and a pair of scissors?

A:  One child missing a curl, one child with a self-made mullet, and this picture to hold over the father's head.

What the (Asian word)?

My husband and I have taught our children a few words in the "native tongue."  The ones they are most proficient in are the potty and body parts words.  When they use them in public, no one will know what they are talking about.  Everything else, however, has been in English.  Here are some things our children have said in public:

You (Asian word)-ed.  I heard you.

My mommy feeds baby with her (Asian word)

My (Asian word) itches.

Brother has an ugly (Asian word).

I'm going to spank your (Asian word).  

I guess context speaks volumes.

Sometimes we use this as a crowd pleaser at parties--It's called guess the body part!  I can't describe the fear we see in people's eyes as my husband says, "Go hit him in the (Asian word)."